| Have been letting the dust settle after sawing a cross-section of myself apart in my last kabbalistic weekend ... I've completed my second year and have one more to go ... each time I think I've reached the last layer of my being, another one is revealed.
I want to share this poem with all of you ... the words came crashing in to awaken me one morning and it says a lot more about what I'm experiencing :
Stepping into truth
frees us from
being chained
to the feigned guise
of contentment
while ripping the lid off
of the pressure cooker
that has contained
the stewing concoction
of unspoken wants
and unfulfilled dreams
as we bid
a bittersweet farewell
to our former self ~
better known as
the “who was”
or perhaps
“who the fuck was that?”
allowing us to birth
and nurture
the
“who we’ve always known we are”
Stepping into truth
makes space
for fullness
and wholeness
for grace
and dignity
for passion
and desire
for gateways
and possibilities
Stepping into truth
is no longer a choice--
it is the only path
our heart
will let us follow
| Pearls 7 comments or Share your wisdom   |
| I awoke this morning to several inches of the fluffy white stuff. The pic I chose for this post in not so dissimilar to the holly bush that is just outside of my apartment ... I love the splash of color on the white palette of snow -- the person who shot this pic had a beautifully simple title for it: "red on snow".
Did some phone sessions with clients instead of face-to-face visits, as it's turning into an ice-skating rink on the roads ... I did a test "run" by going to workout at the gym this morning and had a very slippery trek back. Needless to say, I am taking a snow day and it feels good ! This is the one time when I wish I did have a TV, I must admit !
I just finished grading my students' first exam of the semester -- all A's, I feel like a proud mother ! I am not an easy grader either, yet I do prepare them well and it's obvious that they really *get* the concepts ... love being a witness to that.
For the remainder of the day, I will be curling up with books and my pooch, maybe some French-press coffee and chocolate, and perhaps my lovely girlfriend later on ... feeling lazy and dreamy and am going to take advantage of the outside conditions as a way to improve my inside ones. Been thinking and worrying more than usual and a day like today is a lovely reminder about beauty appreciation and slowing down.
Whatever the weather in your part of the world, I hope this finds each of you at peace.
| | Pearls 6 comments or Share your wisdom |
| I am quite tired today ... but in the very best way.
I spent the weekend with my best friend, D , who drives from Conneticut each September (for the past 5 years now) to camp with me at a lesbian retreat in Maryland, with a group called Sisterspace.
This was the first year that I did this without Bern. And while I was bombarded with questions by familiar folks and friends who did not know about our breakup, it was also one of the most free-ing and peaceful and harmonious and fun-filled times that I have ever spent there. I never laughed as much either and that, in and of itself, is so healing.
Our days were spent connecting with incredible women, being in nature, birding and seeing spectacular butterflies, nude sunbathing and swimming (I love that it is clothing optional there and the fact that no one judges anyone's body, regardless of size), seeing incredible entertainment in the evening and dancing and enjoying a bonfire ... all of it was seen this time through fresh, new eyes with a hopeful and optimistic perspective on the future for myself.
Two particular highlights to share with you about this weekend :
- viewing the full moon through my friend Linda's fantastic telescope
- discovering a labryinth that was constructed sometime between last year and this year ... with pieces of natural quartz crystal as part of the maze.
I felt so comfortable and so safe and it was a time that I will always cherish. I have made some new friends and re-connected with old friends in a deeper, more meaningful way.
I am so blessed and so grateful to this awakening in my life and for the chance to really live it.
| | Pearls 16 comments or Share your wisdom |
| Hello dearest friends !
Just wanted to give a reminder about the full moon and have included info. from www.moonsurfing.com below -- it's quite interesting ....
The Moon is Full at 23° of Libra
Thursday April 13th at 9:41 AM PST; 4:41 PM GMT
The Libra Full Moon always brings things to a head regarding relationships and this one is no exception. BALANCE is the key word. Consider this a report card... a reality checkpoint regarding your relationship progress... not only since the New Moon two weeks ago, but since October’s eclipses six months ago.
The eclipse energies of last October ignited your New Moon intentions to create more balance in every area of your life, to accept yourself and your needs as you sought to create harmonious relationships... and to release people and patterns that were no longer aligned with where you’re going. How have you done? Cooperation was the focus then... and now this Full Moon shines its light on where you might need to be more assertive and independent.
It’s all really part of a grand realignment that’s been ongoing to bring you more of what you personally want while helping you play your special part in the bigger picture. Old beliefs that don’t support your current values are dying so you can direct your energy toward the thoughts and beliefs that resonate with the new you. You’re reminded to be the sacred warrior and choose your battles wisely. Notice where you’d rather be right than happy, because that’s an old fear playing out and it closes you off from others. You never know... that person you’re so hotly debating might be just the team player you need to help your vision take off.
Venus, ruler of this Libra Full Moon, is traveling through romantic emotionally sensitive Pisces. This, together with the idealistic Libra Full Moon alone could stimulate arguments due to disappointed ideas of love or partnerships.
Also the sensible grounding earth element is lacking in this planetary set-up, so thoughts and emotions could run away with you. Some good news is that your intuition is heightened now, so listen to your inner higher Self and decide to love, keeping heart and mind open to new perspectives. As always, your higher power is the key to perfect guidance.
This is a big check point and Full Moons are always times to reflect and gain clarity, so allow me to suggest some questions for you to ask yourself...
1. How can I pursue my personal goals and have my personal needs and desires met within relationship?
2. Have I been taking responsibility for my own needs and wants?
3. Have I created healthy boundaries and open honest communication?
4. What new allies have appeared to join and support me on my journey?
The Moon in Libra lights up the area of your life where you’re ready for new connections and may have to compromise to move ahead, while the Sun in Aries shows you where you need to hold a Zen beginner’s open mind and let your instincts guide you. This is a great time to find out what this means for you personally.
It’s time to let go of old conditioning including ideas of sacrifice or patterns of co-dependency, so you can experience a healthier balance in your relationships. Then you’ll be ready to move forward with more self-confidence, harmony, and grace.
With the Full Moon overhead and the dynamic energy of the New Moon solar eclipse continuing to light up your new future, it’s time to release all that doesn’t resonate with who you are, welcome your allies, and prepare to build a new quality of life... together.
| | Pearls 7 comments or Share your wisdom |
| Besides tomorrow being my sister's birthday, it is the time I have been anticipating all month ... the end of a chaotic and emotionally charged full moon/lunar eclipse cycle, not to mention Mercury in retrograde and the beginning of a new cycle of change starting with a solar eclipse/new moon. Here are some highlights about this cycle from www.moonsurfing.com :
The Moon is New at 8° of Aries
Wednesday March 29th at 2:15 AM PST; 10:16 AM GMT
It’s time to decide... to dare... to do... to be... and to become.
The Aries New Moon always fires up a time of rebirth and new beginnings. However, this one guarantees a brand new start, because it’s turbo-charged by a total solar eclipse. After the stop-go-fast-slow stuckness, big changes, and tough re-evaluation of the past few months, you’re definitely ready to blast off into brand new territory.
The recent Full Moon lunar eclipse popped old habits and emotions that you’ve got to handle and begin to heal so you can take full advantage of the fresh start being offered to you now.
When there’s a solar eclipse, the Sun seems to disappear bringing something to a conclusion... and then the sunlight returns bringing new information and a new beginning in some area of your life. A brand new start will be lit up for you in the area of your life indicated by 8 degrees of Aries in your natal chart… and if your birthday is within 3 1/2 days before or after this eclipse, this will definitely be a life-changing year for you!
Eclipses create portals in time and space. I say this because you build (consciously or unconsciously) on the energies unleashed by an eclipse for 6 months. Then what you’ve set in motion continues to unfold for 19 more years! Mars, ruler of this socko boffo Aries New Moon, is traveling through Gemini catalyzing the flow of innovative ideas and new beginnings in communication...
and Saturn, retrograde in Leo since November 22nd, finally moves forward on April 5th. New horizons open up so new forms and structures can finally begin to take shape.
Can I hear a hallelujah!!! Ask yourself what you’re passionate about. Answer that and you’ll have a big clue concerning what you’re ready to build.
It’s become obvious that the old order is done. You’ve been urged, cajoled, and flat out shoved to let go, make those necessary changes and move on into your future. Illusions you’ve harbored about yourself, your relationships, and how the world works are being obliterated forcing you to move forward and put some dynamic action behind your dreams, plans and goals.
There’s a lot of fiery energy being unleashed. Temperatures could rise and this cycle could get off to a rocky start. Things bubbling underground could either come up to ignite your passions in a positive way or you could feel as though you’re walking through a mine field. Don’t get locked into power struggles.
Buttons being pushed indicate old programming and outworn beliefs. Instead, focus and channel your energy creatively and constructively and keep your bigger picture in mind. Call on your higher power and remember not to sweat the small stuff...and it’s ALL small stuff. Also, remember that there’s an enormous amount of energy being injected into your life and remember to rest and listen to your body’s needs.
Yes, it’s a time of powerful possibilities... and new life. New life always implies risk. Aries is decisive and active... it says “Just do it!” It’s time to gather your courage, call on your sacred warrior as you set some dynamic intentions and get ready to take that quantum leap you’ve been preparing for.
| | Pearls 3 comments or Share your wisdom |
| I may read this at an open mic poetry event this Sunday. It's a phenomenon that's haunted me for over a month now, so just needed to write about it, then surrender to it !
eleven
dreamily
peering
out of one eye
dare i spy
the alarm clock
there it is
eleven after
the hour
appearing on
the red neon
digital display
for what seems
like the
hundredth time
in a matter
of weeks
not just there
but on the face
of my watch
on the clock
in the car
on the face
of my cell
i am haunted
by the notion
that it is some
prophetic
warning sign
like 9-11
or the eleventh hour
i cower
avoiding time
and
losing time
and
wasting time
after
time
tossing and
turning
in my bed
it’s 4:16
a sigh of relief
until I add the digits
you do the math
| | Pearls 5 comments or Share your wisdom |
| It is a "balmy" 70(F) today and I absolutely love every bit of it ! Winter really does take a toll on me and to have this taste of what is on the horizon is very gratifying. I wore sandals to work appointments today and I can't even begin to tell you how freeing that was ! I feel alive and bright and hopeful.
I'll be joining my honey in Virginia this weekend; I will keep each of you close in thought and in spirit.
Be safe and well and at peace.
Love to all.
| | Pearls 5 comments or Share your wisdom |
| Am doing my end-of-the-month billing this morning at my fave cafe in Mt. Airy, which has become quite the lesburbia these days ! I thought I was beginning hot flashes in here today, then I realized that I was just up to my ears in gay estrogen ... this place is crawling with lesbos today ! No wonder I am taking so long to get this work done !
We have every variety in here today :
hippie throwback lesbos, queer university-types, baby dykes, soft butches (gotta love those chain wallets -- I have my strap on :D heehee)
I'm a girl in a candy store - whee !!!!
I've been kinda feisty all wkend, come to think of it, must be carrying over.
Not to mention staying up to watch the L-Word on Showtime last night ... Dana Delaney had a guest appearance as a senator who tries to make the moves on one of the main stars, Jennifer Beals ... very hot. I'm a fan of Dana Delaney from way back --- a very sexy late 40-something ... *drooling*
I guess I'll throw some water on myself and get back to work now ...
| | Pearls 10 comments or Share your wisdom |
| It's been awhile since I've written, not for any reason other than being more introspective these days and serenely just "being" and noticing. In this quiet time of observation, much that surrounds me has shed light on how truly blessed and grateful I am for exactly where I am and what I have. Certainly, the devasation of Katrina has probably evoked this in most of us on a grand scale, but I am also speaking of the more subtle, day to day things that have done this as well --- like seeing the homeless person with one leg sitting in their own filth on the street corner just hoping to scrape up enough change to buy a cup of coffee or the little boy being dragged by his hair by a worn out mother who doesn't have the time or patience to give him the nurturing he desperately craves. I have been paying attention to these things with a more careful eye, particularly after my knee injury; it's amazing how even just being a slight bit "different" can create others to stare, point, talk. I am thankful that this has been a temporary situation and not a more damaging, permanent one. I am relieved to have tossed my cane in the closet several weeks ago, hoping to never have to use it any time soon.
I am thrilled beyond belief to walk down the street without a limp in my gait and have people whisk past me as I go mostly unnoticed.
These were the thoughts that passed through my head today as I was in my physical therapy session and was whizzing at a nice clip on the exercise bike and began to actually hum ! And then I saw a woman next to me who could barely lift her feet without wincing in awful pain and was using a walker to hold herself up. This is when it truly hit me : I have much to be thankful for and this is not a state of being that I shall take for granted. | | Pearls 3 comments or Share your wisdom |
| Mercurcy Retrograde starts TODAY and extends through August 15. I've included specifics from Jan Spiller's website below to understand this phenomenon. From personal experience, I can tell you to be prepared for wacky traffic, bizarre communication and misunderstandings and just mayhem in general. Don't make any big decisions during this time and keep your sense of humor :)
THE PHYSICAL PHENOMENA
Mercury Retrograde cycles occur approximately 3 times a year, 3-1/2 weeks each time. From the point of view of the Earth, it appears that the planet Mercury is going “backwards” in its orbit.
What is physically occurring is that Mercury is “slowing down” in its elliptical orbit around the Sun, and because the Earth is continuing to spin on its axis, Mercury “appears” to be going backward.
When this astronomical phenomena occurs, there are predictable, marked effects in our experience on Planet Earth.
HOW IT AFFECTS US
In astrology, the planet Mercury rules the conscious, logical mind. When the planet Mercury goes backwards, our thinking starts to go “backwards”- into a reflective mode.
During the time period of this phenomena, we all experience certain psychological effects in common: inattention, confusion, reversals of decision and then getting back on the "right track" again; unexpected, emotionally-charged miscommunications with others and the necessity of repeating actions more than once to get them "right".
If you are unaware of the cycle, it can be frustrating. If you are aware of what is going on in the atmosphere, you can greet the inevitable “glitches” with a sense of humor.
Oftentimes, things you do under Mercury Retrograde have to be repeated. If you have your car repaired, you may have to take it back to get the job done properly.
Because your thinking is not in its usual bent, creative ideas that occur to you under this cycle will often not seem viable when Mercury goes into direct motion. It is best to wait until after this cycle is over to enter into agreements with others or to present new ideas.
Physical arenas that are ruled by Mercury seem to go haywire at this time: computers, telephones, printing, all fields related to transportation or communication are particularly vulnerable to malfunctioning during the Mercury retrograde cycles.
DOS AND DON’TS-
USING THE CYCLE TO YOUR BEST ADVANTAGE
DON’T:
Sign contracts; begin something new; make firm decisions for your future based on what you see during the Mercury retrograde cycle; go to the dentist, doctor or car repair service (unless its unavoidable, or you are prepared to “go back” for a repeat of what you originally went in for); take yourself or others too seriously; make new relationship decisions; try to force others into making decisions.
DO:
DO take more “quiet time” to yourself. Slow down, you probably feel a bit “muddled”. Take a break from outer accomplishment. This cycle offers the opportunity to know yourself more deeply.
It’s a great time to write in a journal, for prayer, meditation and reflection. Discover your own inner world- what’s true for you, what’s important to you, what you actually think.
When the cycle passes, you will feel rested and ready for fresh activity- to go forward with projects in the world. You will have gained a greater awareness of what’s really important to you-- where YOU want to invest your creative life energy.
DO work on and bring to completion projects already begun-- especially those that involve working on your own.
DO take the time to listen and repeat communication if you are in doubt about mutual mental rapport. Slow down your speech and deeply ‘connect’ with others- speaking with your heart involved, as well as your mind.
If you don’t feel the other person has understood what you said, gently ask them to repeat it (ie: “I’m not sure that I communicated clearly here... what did you hear me say?”).
DO check your calendar carefully to be sure you don’t miss an important appointment, and call others to confirm appointments they have with you. People can be a bit “forgetful” during this transit.
DO have a sense of humor. Everyone gets “stressed out” when Mercury is Retrograde. Toward the end of the cycle, folks don’t even go out too much for dinner or social activities. They become so fearful of “something going wrong” or of being misunderstood, they just “hole up”in the safety of their homes.
Ridiculous “glitches” will happen-- unbelievable miscommunication will occur. Because you have the “inside scoop” on what is happening in the atmosphere- Mercury is Retrograde and these absurd things are occurring-- you can have a sense of humor as you watch the effects of the cycle in action.
© Jan Spiller, 2003
| | Pearls 2 comments or Share your wisdom |
| | Current Music: | Old 80's on the alarm clock radio | | Subject: | The results are in ... | | Time: | 08:38 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/roshi/palefaces/happy.gif) accomplished |
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| On Monday afternoon, I sat in a long tube listening to jazz over headphones while my knee went through being scanned a zillion times. I picked up the test results on Tue. afternoon and had them interpreted for me by my friend Carmen who's a rehab med doc and my other friend Sharon, a chiropractor. Both concurred that the test indicated I have an ACL tear and there's another ligament behind the knee which is in poor repair, but not torn. The good thing, however, is that everything else around my knee is intact.
Yesterday, I see an orthopaedic doc and he has better news ! He wants me to start bearing weight , continue using the immobilizer, and will see me back in 2 weeks to discontinue the immobilizer and begin intensive physical therapy. Surgery will only be considered if my knee is unstable during physical therapy, otherwise, I will not be having surgery. *does hoppy dance on good leg*
I call my friend Barb who is a physical therapist and works at the facility where I will likely get rehabbed. She gives me exercises that I can begin now, which the orthopaedic doc also said I should do too; 300 leg lifts total for the day while I am on my back; 100 on my side; 100 on my belly. I started them last night and I heard the "Rocky theme" in the back of my head ... corny, I know, but it motivated me nonetheless !
I am very hopeful, very optimistic. Will I play softball next year with a knee brace ? Probably. Much to the chagrin of my other half.
I walked on BOTH feet just in the bathroom this morning - no crutches ma - whee ! | | Pearls 12 comments or Share your wisdom |
| This is SO me ! Minus the pot smoking ... but back in the day ....
<tbody>
<tr>
<td align="middle">Hippie
You are 0% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 28% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant. </td></tr>
<tr>
<td>You are the Hippie! Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and love to all! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie, who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you too love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. And you listen to psychadelic rock and smoke a whole lot of pot. Okay, maybe not, but I wouldn't be surprised if you did.
To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.
Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Sociopath.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Televangelist, and the Robot.
*
*
If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.
The other personality types:
The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant. </td></tr>
<tr>
<td align="middle"> </td></tr></tbody></table>
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
You scored higher than 0% on Rationality |
|
You scored higher than 72% on Extroversion |
|
You scored higher than 29% on Brutality |
|
You scored higher than 38% on Arrogance |
| | | Pearls 1 comment or Share your wisdom |
| One of my regularly visited places on the internet is Jan Spiller's website (www.janspiller.com); she also writes amazing books about astrology from a spiritual perspective. One of the practices I've been following based on her books is the idea of making wishes for the New Moon. Here are her guidelines for the upcoming New Moon :
New Moon Reminder
NEW MOON REMINDER... Wednesday, July 6, 7:03 am EST (8:03 am, EDST= Eastern Daylight Savings Time) is the New Moon Power Day in July! Don’t miss this opportunity to make wishes for experiences you’d like to have.
This New Moon is in the sign of Cancer, and it’s a powerful time for wishes involving your home, improving relationships with close family members, and gaining a greater sense of personal security in any area that is important to you: your job, relationships, health, money, romance. Things you may have wanted to happen in your life for a long time can begin easily manifesting through using the boost of the deeply emotional, heartfelt Cancer New Moon.
For success, your wishes must be handwritten on paper and ten wishes maximum are allowed on each power day. The most potent time is the first 8 hours AFTER the exact time of the New Moon; within the first 48 hours will still work. The potency continues to exist for another twelve hours, but is weaker. For clear success, its best to avoid wishing during those hours when the Moon is Void of Course.
Therefore in JULY, your most potent times for wishing are: Wednesday, July 6: all day and night; Thursday, July 7: 12:01 am - 11:54 am - and - 2:11 pm - 12 midnight; Friday, July 8: the entire day is clear for wishing. These times are in Eastern Standard Time and need to be converted to your local time zone. Keep in mind that if you are observing Daylight Savings Time, add one hour, and then convert to your time zone.
Among other things, this New Moon stimulates the ability to more successfully navigate your life by boosting your ability to emotionally connect with others. It empowers you to become more aware of rising above conflict by understanding and empathizing with others feelings about their life situations. It stimulates in you the gift of being able to appreciate the value of caring and taking the time to show concern and support for those you care about-- leading to the satisfaction of a greater experience of intimacy in your relationships. The energy of Cancer also promotes the ability for enjoying activities that are nurturing for the emotional body: good food; a nice bath; a soothing trip to a lake or ocean. | | Pearls Share your wisdom |
|
Lava
~ 62% Water ~ 55% Wind ~ 66% Earth ~ 66% Fire ~ |
You and me and everyone
throwing fire at the sun
Your colours are a warm orange and fiery red. You are likely energetic, ambitious, progressive and in charge of yourself. However, you may sometimes appear insensitive or flustered. Wearing a Crysocolla helps enhance tranquillity, patience, and gentleness, and thus bring you a bit closer to harmony.
In detail:
Your Ground Chakra, which is associated with the element of fire and represents our basic desires and driving force, and your Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of </b>earth</b> and represents our need to preserve and grow, are predominant.
Your Throat Chakra, which is associated with the element of wind and represents our desire to learn and communicate, and your Heart Chakra, which is associated with the element of water and represents our sense of love and compassion are not quite as prominent.
These are the results you will get if you score highly on...
None of the four elements: Balance Wind: Gust Fire: Blaze Water: River Earth: Valley Wind & Fire: Thunder Wind & Water: Clouds Wind & Earth: Canyon Fire & Earth: Lava Fire & Water: Tornado Water & Earth: Trees Wind, Fire & Earth: Storm Wind, Fire & Water: Stars Wind, Water & Earth: Forest Fire, Water & Earth: Avalanche All four elements: Harmony |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
You scored higher than 62% on water |
|
You scored higher than 0% on wind |
|
You scored higher than 60% on earth |
|
You scored higher than 42% on fire |
| | | Pearls 2 comments or Share your wisdom |
| A couple days ago, a friend of ours approaches my partner Bern to be a chaperone for a service project she's doing with high school kids in Jamaica -- and it turns out that she is going to do it, which is really cool. What deterred her from saying "yes" immediately, is the fact that she'll be away for my birthday. The funny thing is, I wasn't really "into" my birthday this year, meaning that it wasn't a big deal to me to have a big celebration or anything, just wanting #43 to quietly sneak in without necessarily the hoopla ! So... as soon as some of my friends began to hear that Bern would be away, I've been getting lots of unexpected invitations for birthday celebrations ! My friend Sharon, who is also my chiropractor, made reservations for an incredible Moroccan restaurant in town and wants to take me out to dinner and then to a party at a friend of hers, who I met once before and really like. My friend Pam researched a restaurant that just opened and wants to take me for dinner on the actual night of my birthday. A new friend of mine, Sarah, (the cute coffee maven I've posted about from the cafe that I love) invited me to do a yoga class with her and go out to eat afterwards. Members of my softball team want to take me out after one of our games, which would be delightful as well. Bern half-joking says to me "See, I told you that if I were to croak suddenly, you'd be totally fine and surrounded with people. You wouldn't skip a beat!" Perhaps she's right, but going away for a week to Jamaica versus dying a sudden death are two very different events !
I will mostly, however, enjoy my "alone time" , which I don't get much of with my work schedule and the fact that Bern's here most of the time. That is what I will really treasure for my "birthday week" . | | Pearls 4 comments or Share your wisdom |
| A couple of things are goin' on which are related to some of previous posts of the past couple weeks, so I figured I'd keep y'all informed of what's been happenin' ....
- my client who had the mastectomy came through with flying colors ! I saw her 2 days ago and she is in such a good place emotionally and physically and she feels so relieved. Her mother, who was such a negative force in this process, has actually began to "come around" and is spending more time with her and even thanked me for preparing her daughter for this surgery. It is so deeply fulfilling to have "walked" so to speak with someone through nearly all of the stages that one may experience when faced with a cancer diagnosis. It is an indescribable feeling.
- my tattooing date is pushed back to late July (boohoo). On the originally scheduled date, 6/18, there is a bday party for little Julian who is the son of my good friend Nerice who is the best friend of my tattoo artist, Stacy. Needless to say, we were all "guilted" into being present for the bday celebration, not to mention that we adore the little guy beyond words, so instead of tattooing, we'll be around a zillion screaming 4 year olds -- yippee !
- I have my follow-up body work "session" with the hot yoga babe, Bobbi , tomorrow afternoon. Pant. Pant. That's all I have to say about that ....
- Lastly, things are on the upswing again for Bern & I and our talk last wkend really solidified things once again for us and she is keeping her overuse of substances in check. I have been in a peaceful space about this and have been able to detach - with love - and it's all good.
Over and out ...
| | Pearls 5 comments or Share your wisdom |
| A quick little story which was a major boost to my self-esteem, particularly as my birthday approaches in a couple of weeks and I will turn a ripe 43 ...
I play in a women's softball league, mostly gay, and this is my 12th season playing. With each season, older players get more injuries and are not in as good of shape and they drop out while the "young bucks" filter in to take their place, meaner and leaner. Now, I am still able to hold my own and am a good fielder and a decent batter and consider myself to be in pretty good shape, which feels good. But this made me feel even better : when I get home from the game last night my partner relays to me that a number of younger women were commenting during the times I was up to bat about my pecs and how muscular I was and things like "she looks like she doesn't have an ounce of fat ..." She didn't say a word, but just smiled. She said she couldn't wait to tell me when we got home. I played it off, saying "Oh gosh, Oh gee..." I blushed from ear to ear, but really did enjoy hearing it ! | | Pearls 3 comments or Share your wisdom |
| Just got an email from my tattoo artist extraordinaire, Stacy, and we have a date scheduled for my Hawaii-themed tattoo -- June 18 to begin the outline (will be my largest one to date) and then we'll set another date to fill in the colors, which are going to be really rich and varied. I'm sooooo thrilled !!!!!
( The sketch for the tattoo )
Would love to hear what you think !
In case you're wondering, yes, the tattooed nudie icon pictured with this post is indeed, moi. Once you hit your forties friends, vanity is a thing of the past. | | Pearls 12 comments or Share your wisdom |
| I've spent the bulk of my morning and early afternoon with a most courageous woman. She is a therapy client of mine, with an incredibly painful history who used to experience such significant depression that she would become selectively mute because that was the only way she could survive the inexplicable depths of her misery. She has a completely narcisstic mother and an alcoholic step father and both are so consumed by their own "shit" that they are of little emotional support to her. She agonizes to this day over the death of her father, which occurred 9 yrs ago and she has often expressed wishing that it had been her mother instead of him. The anger she has stored inside of her for years of emotional and psychological abuse from that woman is most certainly at the core of why she likely developed breast cancer (angry, closed heart = blocked heart chakra = development of illness in the heart/chest/breast area --- I am a firm believer of this and there's much written about this phenomenon).
Today, in the very moments that I am typing, she is having a radical mastectomy of the right breast. We have spent the past 5 months, every week in session, processing about what this procedure would like and what she would likely experience, see, feel, etc... We began to just scratch the surface about the connections between her anger for her mother and where it manifested in her body. Karen has mild mental retardation, so her understanding of something spoken about in the abstract is very difficult for her and creates significant fearfulness and anxiety. But not today. Today, this brave, brave woman was at peace. She met each professional there to manipulate some part of her body with no fear. She waited patiently in the cold pre-op, as I stroked her hair and tried to keep things light. She stoicly reclined on the gurney as they wheeled her down to the O.R. because she knew that this was no longer in her control. She was, simply put, awe-inspiring. I will return there momentarily, as she will be done within the next hour and will want to have some familiar faces to greet her as she sleepily becomes aware of the fact that a part of her anatomy is no longer there and that could be rather startling. I am so honored to be a part of this woman's life and to help support her in moving through this pain. It is in these moments that I am acutely aware of how sacred this work really is. | | Pearls 1 comment or Share your wisdom |
| I have to really have something "come to me" before I make the all-important decision about what I will have tattooed on me. My very first one, which I got when I turned 30, are these tiny little musical notes (to represent my love of music) on my upper right thigh. It's a pretty "lame" tattoo in comparison to my others, but hey, it was my first shot and I was very inexperienced. So... my next tattoo didn't arrive until I was 41 (2003) and I found an incredible tattoo artist, Stacy (www.chromegardens.com) who is the best friend of one of my wonderful, longtime friends, Nerice. At that time, I felt very strongly about having a butterfly, as it represented the both the presence of Bern's father, who had passed the year before and he "returned from the other side" in the form of a butterfly that would hang out with me a lot and even allowed me to stroke it (note: Bern's dad was a pilot, so there was no doubt in my mind that he would come back flying in some way ...) AND it also represented a significant transformation for me, particularly my spiritual growth at that time. That tattoo was discussed with Stacy and designed by her (with my input) and it is on the back of my neck, close to my shoulder blades. The next tattoo arrived the following year, after I turned 42, and was decided upon based on my continued spiritual growth and wanting to have a symbol of how I was trying to live my life --- hence, the decision to have Quan Yin, the Chinese Goddess of compassion, tattooed on my lower back --- which, BTW, is the icon I currently have on this LJ post (my dear friend, B, took this pic while we were in Hawaii). So.... that leads me to the upcoming tattoo : given how much I loooove Hawaii and all that it represents for me in terms of tranquility, serenity, a future home ... I began a discussion with Stacy about capturing the essence of the Hawaiian islands on a more elaborate tattoo -- which I think will go on my upper thigh. So... here's the ideas thus far : a volcano in the background, with a dolphin and sea turtle in the foreground, and gorgeous red hibiscus flowers in bloom. Not sure if anything else will be included at this point. When she does her draft sketch and emails it to me, I will put this on an LJ post so y'all can see it and let me know what you think ! Bern is not too crazy about this (doesn't want me to get anymore tattoos, but it's my body and I don't feel like I'm done with the artistic expressions on it yet ... thankfully, she totally respects that)
Haven't decided when I'll have the work done yet -- most likely in September, as that seems to be a good tattooing time for me and it's the best time to not have it too exposed to the summer sun. Getting pretty excited about this venture ... | | Pearls 7 comments or Share your wisdom |
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